Boarding School Survival
Boarding school survival describes the adaptations children make, and effects of, coping with early separation and institutional life. It involves the child developing a ‘strategic survival personality’ - often shutting down emotions, hiding vulnerability, and becoming self-sufficient - to endure broken attachment, trauma and privilege. While effective at school, this survival mode can lead to long-term issues, including relationship difficulties, workaholism, and emotional neglect, requiring healing.
WHAT IS IT?
Sometimes 1-2-1 therapy is not enough. Particularly with ex-boarders, group work can really help to normalise your experiences and truly feel nourished and nurtured like you may not have felt before. I am delighted to offer online circles in partnership with Seen & Heard, an organisation that supports the wellbeing of past and present pupils of boarding and independent day schools, and their families.
How do circles work?
Seen & Heard offer a number of circles for men, women and mixed groups, which myself and other colleagues facilitate.
OPEN CIRCLES
These are available on several days, at a variety of times .
These open circles are free to attend and a great place to feel supported for your first group, or to come back into when you have the capacity. There is a settling and grounding section followed by a check in, a round or two of sharing and then a closing sequence.
CLOSED CIRCLES
These circles challenge a man to commit to a programme of change by having the same eight men each week for continuity, and paying in advance to show commitment and intent.
We follow a 12-week schedule of identified themes:
Introductions
Before boarding memories
First day of survival
Sleeping
Eating
Friendships
Teachers
Home / School balance
Extracurricular activities
Career path
Family life
Closing
WHO SHOULD ATTEND?
Anyone who has been to boarding school or an independent school run in a similar way. These groups can also be hugely helpful for people who did not board but whose close family members did as the trauma is often vicarious and transgenerational. It is also common for partners to put their husbands or wives forward for a group, to help them explore what they may be denying in themselves.
When | Where | How much
Online, for 12 weeks, starting on Friday 17 April, 7-8.30pm
Email to register, spaces limited to 8 men
£25 per circle